5 years...

Dear Joshua,

It’s been 5 years since you left this earth. This year you would’ve been 17, that’s sometimes really hard to wrap my mind around. You missed so much yet I remain here because of you and your parents. I imagine you would be going into your senior year of high school. I think about all the firsts you have missed in the last 5 years; your first big Homecoming dance, your first kiss, your first time driving a car, and maybe your first job. I imagine you would be deciding your next step as you get ready to enter “adulthood”- what college should I attend ? What career do I want? Where will life take me?

But you never got to ask those questions or experience those firsts, your life was cut too short on that sunny crisp fall day 5 years ago in October. And that’s when you came into my life and became a part of me...I will never forget that day. At just 12 years old you breathed your last breath and then through a miracle you breathed life back into my failing tired body. That’s remarkable Joshua, you saved me. Did you ever think in your short 12 years on this earth that you would save others ?  What a hero you are!

I will never take your lungs for granted Joshua, I promise you that. It’s really hard sometimes Joshua and some do not understand the magnitude of your gift- the gift of life.  But I understand it and as we breathe together I will forever recognize you and your lungs allowing me to take a deep breath, to talk without gasping, and to live without struggling for air.

Your momma and family must be so sad without you but I hope they will find a little peace knowing I’m working really hard to keep us going. I will honor your gift every day, every hour, every minute until we take our last breath together. I will help you experience things that you were unable to do in those 12 short years you were here on earth.

Do you know I have a celebration every year for you? It’s a celebration of life, a time to celebrate our breathing together, and a time to give thanks. But within the celebration of surviving another year, I feel such sadness for you and your family.  I know life is precious but still some do not understand that. Life isn’t about rushing around, or worrying about every little detail, or stressing about work and extracurricular activities ——- it’s about being present, appreciating your surroundings, loving one another, and living each day like it’s your last. I get out of bed each day and thank God for what he has done for us and attempt to live life with a purpose- all because of you- a boy I’ve never met, a boy that didn’t get to become a teenager or a man. A boy who didn’t get to experience all of life’s roller coaster ride of triumphs and devastation. A boy whose physical body is gone yet remains in me breathing in and out for me. A boy gone too soon.

Life is so precious Joshua and in an instant it can vanish. I guess that may sound cliche but the reality it’s true and I want people to realize - don’t sweat the small stuff, be grateful, be kind, and BREATHE!

Thank you Joshua. Thank you to your mom, dad, and family that want nothing more to hug you, talk to you, and be with you again. Let’s keep doing life together, breathing in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out........................................................................................................................................
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