Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I'm tired, I'm worn...

This song below speaks volumes to me. I really feel like the words were written for me.  I'm having a bit of an upsetting week- I wonder if there will be anything easy in our lives. Physically I'm having a bit of a setback and trying to lay low as I was diagnosed with double pneumonia on Tuesday.  I hadn't been feeling well since Friday.  I've never gotten as sick as I now do since my BO diagnosis.  I've never had pneumonia until this disease invaded my lungs- and I've had it every year since my lung biopsy.

Yes I try and maintain a happy demeanor but some days like today I'm screaming inside: "ENOUGH!"  How much can one person take?!??!? I've had physical issues since I was 2- as far back as I can remember and now the pathway before me is a double lung transplant which is NOT curative?!?!? This is mind blowing, unfathomable, and completely unfair!  LIFE IS UNFAIR!  I know people personally that have skated thru life untouched and it angers me.  Yes I'm aware "you don't know what it's like to be someone until you walk in their shoes", but I've seen many ungrateful and selfish people that abuse their body and take it for granted.
Yes I'm aware God did not promise smooth roads and challenges are a guarantee, but when is enough  enough???????
I'm not even going into the challenges my son faces with his speech apraxia or the fact that a six year old has such severe sleep apnea that removing his tonsils didn't help and he has to wear a c-pap. Really? A six year old? So I did go into some of the other issues are family has to deal with but this blog is mainly about my journey.  That gives you just a taste of the other battles being fought.

I know God is there but right now I have a hard time feeling Him, does he hear my cries, does he feel my anguish?  I need something to go right, go smoothly, go without battle.

So please take time to read the lyrics, listen to the song, and pray for our family.



I’m tired, I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I’m worn
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I’m too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I’m worn
My prayers are wearing thin
I’m worn
Even before the day begins
I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So Heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Yes, all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though, I’m worn
Yeah, I’m worn


By Tenth Avenue North


http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UUEy8nZvpdM








2 comments:

  1. Joyce my heart breaks for you. I can never understand what it is like to be in your place because I do not have a life-threatening disease but in some very very very small part I understand because I've been diagnosed with bipolar disease as you know and I will live with that for the rest of my life. Some days it is hard to get out of bed, to resist things, to be happy. While others who do not appreciate life go through life unscaved. It is hard to feel Him and understand Him. You first introduced me to those lyrics and the video of Worn several months ago. It really spoke to me and so I get why it speaks to you immensely. I pray for you and your family every night. I know God will touch us both and I hope you. Take care.

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  2. Joyce,
    You, Your Family, Your Future, Your Faith, are all in my prayers!

    You need to know that it is OK to get angry with God! Scream, shake your fists in the air.... but trust Him! Stomp your feet, yell.... but TRUST HIM!

    My heart aches for you! I may never know this side of heaven why He has allowed your journey to follow such a rocky, treacherous path.... but I must TRUST HIM!

    This is a song that plays in my heart when I pray for you...
    http://tiggertrax.org/1007/trust-his-heart-by-cynthia-clawson-and-wayne-watson/

    Dear Jesus,
    Please surround Joyce with your presence. Enable her to physically feel your arms holding her! And I ask you to infuse her with YOUR peace that SURPASSES our understanding!
    Thank you for ALL you ARE doing and WILL do through Joyce and her "story"!
    In His name I pray!
    Amen
    Dana Morton - Marino

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