Expiration date, everything has one--milk, cereal, eggs, make-up, and human life. The big difference is there is no date stamped on my forehead however I know its sooner than most. At different times during my journey this weighs on me heavily. And for some reason its been weighing on me again lately.
Maybe its because I have a child who is growing daily and I think of his future-graduation day, wedding day, grandkids and the stark reality is that I will probably not see that.
Maybe its because the majority of the patients I see are over 60 and many are well into their 80s and 90s--doing well and enjoying life. And I think what a privilege it is to grow old.
Or maybe its because I have daily reminders in the handful of meds I take throughout the day.
You see I've said this before, life is short. Life is shorter for me. I still encounter people who don't understand transplant life with lungs. Many think everything is cured. This transplant is not a cure, it bought me some time. These transplanted lungs will fail. It is true that I don't know when but I do know they will.
The statistics have not changed, at 5yrs it is still only 50% survival rate. I believe the longest survivor in the world is 20yrs out, but there are not many that make it there. Its overwhelming to think about.
I am well aware that no one knows when they will die but the hard fact is that most of you will live well into your 70s, 80s, and even 90s-you Dutchies :) . I don't have that.
Most of you will celebrate your golden years with your spouse and enjoy retirement. I don't have that.
Most of you don't think about death. I don't have that.
No, I don't have a crystal ball, I just have the scary statistics that have been laid out before me. Sure I will attempt to prove them wrong, but a fact is a fact.
I haven't stopped fighting, its a daily battle but this is my reality.
I will continue the journey whether its for 1 more year or 10 more years. I have a family to be around for and I have a 12year old boy and his family to honor who gave me the gift of life.
LIFE--------make the most of it, don't take it for granted, and give of yourself.
Live Life, Love Life, Give Life