Expiration date, everything has one--milk, cereal, eggs, make-up, and human life. The big difference is there is no date stamped on my forehead however I know its sooner than most. At different times during my journey this weighs on me heavily. And for some reason its been weighing on me again lately.
Maybe its because I have a child who is growing daily and I think of his future-graduation day, wedding day, grandkids and the stark reality is that I will probably not see that.
Maybe its because the majority of the patients I see are over 60 and many are well into their 80s and 90s--doing well and enjoying life. And I think what a privilege it is to grow old.
Or maybe its because I have daily reminders in the handful of meds I take throughout the day.
You see I've said this before, life is short. Life is shorter for me. I still encounter people who don't understand transplant life with lungs. Many think everything is cured. This transplant is not a cure, it bought me some time. These transplanted lungs will fail. It is true that I don't know when but I do know they will.
The statistics have not changed, at 5yrs it is still only 50% survival rate. I believe the longest survivor in the world is 20yrs out, but there are not many that make it there. Its overwhelming to think about.
I am well aware that no one knows when they will die but the hard fact is that most of you will live well into your 70s, 80s, and even 90s-you Dutchies :) . I don't have that.
Most of you will celebrate your golden years with your spouse and enjoy retirement. I don't have that.
Most of you don't think about death. I don't have that.
No, I don't have a crystal ball, I just have the scary statistics that have been laid out before me. Sure I will attempt to prove them wrong, but a fact is a fact.
I haven't stopped fighting, its a daily battle but this is my reality.
I will continue the journey whether its for 1 more year or 10 more years. I have a family to be around for and I have a 12year old boy and his family to honor who gave me the gift of life.
LIFE--------make the most of it, don't take it for granted, and give of yourself.
Live Life, Love Life, Give Life
I think of this often, that one day, we will not be here. But we trust in a God who existed before eternity and He knows of our struggle and is there with us, in a way that is not at all diminishing to our struggle, as in blind to it, but really with us, really knowing it and who never leaves us alone. Most of us don't always think of that we are to be ready for death, but I think it is better that we are thinking of it....
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